Carpe Diem
by AngryMustard
Summary: Jade took a deep breath and declared, "I'm done."


She had to get out of there.

Out of the theatre haunted by her missed opportunity. Out of the dress that epitomised her life – the second best option, always beneath Tori. Out of the state of mind that loved Beck Oliver.

Jade struggled to walk in the bizarre, glossy silver leggings and she stumbled in the ridiculous heels. _"Even fate wants to knock you down."_

Tears started to trickle down her face as she took off the clown shoes and threw them towards the dumpster. _"There's only so much hurt you can bottle up, Jadey,"___her mother had told her before she left Jade's father. Being thirteen at the time, Jade had disregarded her mother as being over-dramatic and trying to cover up the real reason why she was leaving her husband. But now Jade could see what her mom had meant.

People started to flood out of the Platinum Music Awards, chattering like idiots about Ginger Fox's four awards sweep and, of course, the _"outstanding", "refreshing"_ opening act, Tori Vega.

'Tori Vega' was a name that had come to menace Jade for over a year now. Throughout her life, Jade had learnt to be weary of people; make them give her a reason to give them the time of day. Tori Vega rubbing Jade's then-boyfriend's chest was not that reason. Alarm bells sounded at that moment, a desolate ringing that became the soundtrack to her life. _"You don't have anything to worry about,"_ Beck had smiled when Jade confronted him about her feelings. _"I love you,"_ he had whispered into her wispy, coffee hair as Jade cried into his shoulder.

A desperate, pained sob rumbled through Jade's body. She began to shake as her defensive walls began to crumble into meaningless specks of dust. _"Look at you crying on the floor like a feeble, weak teenage girl. You're pathetic. No wonder Beck wants Tori,"_ the menacing voice taunted her.

Crew members started shuffling out of the backstage exit, thankful that they had one less job to do for Mason Thornesmith. It wouldn't be long before her 'friends' would emerge from the laser lit cave. She had to move; she couldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing that they had finally broken her down.

Jade pushed herself up from the floor, ignoring the stones and shards of broken glass that wallowed into the skin of her feet and hands. She forced herself to walk towards her car, unlock the door and get in to the driver's seat.

Finally, in the privacy of her steel blue car, Jade let herself go. She cried for her broken heart, for her squandered chance at the big time and for the person Beck had become. He wasn't always a stoic, emotionless player. When they had first met, he was a boy with a dream but with no plan of how to get there. Jade had the plan and the dream. She completed him, got him to the promising position he was in today. _"You created that robot,"_ the voice taunted. _"You deserve this."_

"No," Jade muttered to the voice. No girl deserved what had happened to her. No one deserved to watch the person they love make a move to kiss their {fr}enemy. Nobody deserved to listen to their first love {first kiss, first time} bad talk them to the person they feared the most.

Originally, Jade wasn't going to accept the offer to perform at the Platinum Awards. She didn't want to be Mason's understudy, to be his pawn in teaching Tori a lesson. Then Beck decided to speak up. He wanted to prevent Jade from getting her big break. _"Maybe he didn't want you to get manipulated like Tori did, Jadey,"_ the voice teased in a saccharine sweet tone. Jade scoffed at the idea – Beck just didn't want big, bad Jade to take his _precious_ Tori's place. At that moment, Jade had instantly forgotten about Mason and about Tori; it was just her and Beck stood by the lockers. She accepted Mason's offer to get one up on Beck. _"He dumped you and left you stood outside that door like a total idiot so you decided to sing a song? Not very good payback, Jade,"_ the voice added.

She had anticipated that only Cat would turn up to support her in the rehearsal for the awards show. Cat was the only one who liked Jade for herself. Andre and Robbie were Beck and Tori's friends; they probably wouldn't as much as flinch if Jade got hit by a bus. _"Best idea you've had all night, darling."_ Jade had even invited them all, including _Robbie_, to watch her rehearse in a desperate attempt to show them that she could be as good, if not better, at performing as Tori. They clearly didn't care that one of their 'gang' had the opportunity of a lifetime. _"That's because you're just a gank to them."_

After everything Tori had done to her, kissing Beck on her second day at school, cancelling Jade's play for Prome et cetera et cetera, Jade still gave up her performance slot for Tori. Admittedly, Tori had grown on Jade recently after their date at Nozu. However, when Tori refused to kiss Beck this evening, Jade had finally been given a real reason to give Tori some credit. Jade had no idea what would have happened to her if she had seen Beck and Tori kiss for a second time. She liked to think that it would have hurt for a while, but, with the help if someone like Ryder Daniels, she would get over it and move on to better things. But she was fooling herself. Jade West was still foolishly in love with Beck Oliver.

She knew that she shouldn't love him, but she couldn't stop. Beck had been pivotal in her life for the past three years. He was there to help her when her parents divorced, be was the one to hold her as she cried when her childhood best friend moved to London and he was the one who auditioned for Hollywood Arts with her. He was also the one who let Tori Vega kiss him for revenge on her, the one who left her to spend hours in the emergency room alone after she burnt her hand and he was the one who, in front of an audience of strangers, yelled that he wasn't happy with their relationship. Beck was never the best boyfriend, but when they spent hours in his RV playing music together and watching movies, Jade was at peace. Jade loved the stability Beck gave her and the moments of affection where he made her feel like she was the best thing that happened to him.

Then he changed. Jade had tried endlessly to stop the demons getting the best of him, but it was useless. Beck was adamant to pick out her flaws and use them against her. He knew that she was insecure, so he flirted with anything with a heartbeat to get a rise out of her. He knew that she would listen to anything that he told her, so he gave her timeouts to prove that he was the dominant one. Despite his mind games, Jade West continued to love Beck Oliver.

Shadows began to emerge from the doorway. The group was missing Cat and Oliver; no doubt Cat had dragged Oliver off to raid a Bibble factory or something ridiculous like that. First out were Robbie, the puppet and Andre. Robbie looked to be having another dispute with his doll whilst Andre cast glances at the shadows following them; shadows belonging to Tori and Beck.

Beck had his arm wrapped comfortably around Tori's shoulder and Tori smiled beamingly at him as he talked. _"Didn't you and Beck act like that when you first started dating?"_ It was true that Beck and Jade had always been a disorderly mess of limbs when they were around each other. She had craved his touch, as though it kept her alive, and being tangled together reminded Jade that Beck was there, and he wasn't going anywhere. _"Too bad you couldn't cling to him through that door…"_

Seeing Tori and Beck wrapped up in each other brought flashbacks of their 'hug' a few days previous. Through the salty, tearful haze, Jade saw Tori leaping into Beck's arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. Seeing Beck and Tori embrace each other like that in the hallway had opened up old scars and tossed salt into the wounds. Jade was thrown into an endless slideshow of her and Beck's reunions when he came back from his numerous trips to Canada. _"Ugh, _Canada,_"_ Jade thought distastefully. Frankly, Jade hadn't thrown herself into Beck's inviting arms in such a pathetic, over-exaggerated manner; however she did keep her arms wound around Beck's neck until he carried her in his arms in to his RV.

The group started to walk towards the line of cars. _"They're probably looking to celebrate Tori's breakthrough performance," _the voice sneered. It wouldn't take them long to notice that Jade's car was still parked and that Jade was sat in it. This was her chance, Jade decided. She was either going to sit here and let Tori see that she had won or she was going to start the car and move on. Then Beck Oliver decided to look Jade West directly in the eye for a split second, before he turned away without reacting to her presence at all. Decision made.

"I'm done," Jade whispered.

Jade harshly grabbed her car key from her purse and slammed it into the ignition. She revved the engine; the growl of the car displaying her new found hunger to live to make herself happy, no one else mattered anymore. Jade released the handbrake on her car, and with one last look into Beck's captivating chestnut eyes, turned her car out of the parking lot without looking into the rear-view mirror. Jade took a deep breath and declared, with more belief,

"I'm done."


End file.
